I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I will pee on everything he values.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
