How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
