Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
time to smoke my breakfast
my being single is dangerous.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You're like the curious george of whores
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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