I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
