Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
