i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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