I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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