Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
