I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize