My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize