Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
