If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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