i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
