i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize