Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
