I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can you repeat that, but with context?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
