i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
