I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize