I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We left the knife in your bed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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