She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize