the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
