the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
