he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
