she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
