wanna go halves on a baby?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
