Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
