Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
