So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize