I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
