the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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