CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
