Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
