If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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