Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
