How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
