I wanna passion pit in your ass
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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