Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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