Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Vodka?
Forever.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
