I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
