so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
