He had one of those small greek statue penises
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
