Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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