girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
