3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
