I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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