She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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