You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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