No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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