my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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