I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize