the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
