White coat. Heels.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
