Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
