so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
