I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
