sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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