I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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