How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
