New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
