if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
