I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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