My boss' voice literally gives me gas
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
