I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dear god my vagina.
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