He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
