Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize