you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
