this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
