that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
