I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
