then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
