My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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