She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
