Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So many bounce houses so little time
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize