i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
