kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
