I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
