I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
