I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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