I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
