You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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