Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
