but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
