mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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