DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
