And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
