WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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