This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
