Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
don't judge my taste in strippers
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
