He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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