hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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