Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
