I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
