Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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