holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
