dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
