Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
