Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
