Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize