After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
