I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
