Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
