Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
