That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Acid is not a monday night drug
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
tequila makes me forget i have legs
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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