god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
