i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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