my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize