dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
