Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
