Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
