dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
