Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
